Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
