I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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