yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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