You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
