First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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