After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He passed out mid-signature
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
