Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
