I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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