when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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