Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
