I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
