Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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