Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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