Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
