Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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