ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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