She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The struggles of a small town man whore
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
