he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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