I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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