My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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