and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
