While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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