I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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