Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
