I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You ruined the universe
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
