Can i not drive my cunt home
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
