you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
