My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
