Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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