question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
