i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
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we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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