She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
