If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sober January is a disaster.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
