Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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