Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
