the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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