can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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