I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
