What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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