you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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