And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
