How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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