can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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