The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
