im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
