Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
