they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
