My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There was a lot of him and a little penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
