i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize