getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
