Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
