We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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