Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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