New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
