And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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