Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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