every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i drank out of a bidet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
