'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
