you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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