I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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