Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
