I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
