Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
