I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
