life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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