Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
