i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
