Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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