I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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