All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
